


Only Look At Me

by agae_4_u



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Ageplay, Angst, Fluff, M/M, Smut, Violence, Woosan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:29:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21636643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agae_4_u/pseuds/agae_4_u
Summary: Partners in crime. Soulmates. Best friends. Everything was used to describe the duo. How close they always were, always had been and nothing was to get in the way. At least... that's what Wooyoung thought, until San was surrounded by someone else, and Wooyoung was pushed to the side. How was he supposed to react to this? They were roommates, living in the same place, but now Wooyoung was witnessing something before his eyes, and a feeling he had never known to exist began to manifest inside of his heart. Hurt? Jealousy? Longing? He wasn't sure, but he'd be damned if he didn't try to figure out how to stop it.
Relationships: Jung Wooyoung/Choi San
Comments: 11
Kudos: 90





	1. Prologue

_Two years ago…_

“San! We’re going to be late!” Wooyoung called out from his living room, his voice echoing up the staircase and into his bedroom where San was currently at, _hopefully_ packing things up into his suitcase. Ah, yes. San and Wooyoung lived together under Wooyoung’s parents, but that was only because San’s parents had passed away at a young age, and the two were inseparable – so what better option than having the duo live together from age seven, to age twenty.   
  
A groan was heard in response, which only cause Wooyoung’s lips to curl upwards into a soft grin. “How can we possibly be late to this? We’re literally walking into the place with our key and calling it a day, Wooyoungie,” San’s voice had come closer, followed by the soft sound of his feet against the stairs until the male was standing in front of his best friend. “But… there’s gonna be traffic,” Wooyoung tried arguing, but was met with San flicking his forehead. “Ow!” The younger groaned, rubbing the red spot that was forming. “Please, that didn’t hurt. Quit being a little baby~,” San mocked Wooyoung, that devilish smirk spreading across his lips as he reached forward and ruffled Wooyoung’s dark locks.  
  
“Seriously, though. We should get going,” Wooyoung then mumbled, only to be replied with yet again, another one of San’s whiny groans. “I got all of the essentials packed. Toothbrush, toothpaste, Shiber, and… you~,” San grinned, and this time, Wooyoung groaned. “I’m leaving,” and with that said, Wooyoung grabbed his bag and walked right out of the front door, leaving behind his whining best friend.

This had been planned for quite some time now, and it was finally a reality. Wooyoung saw his parents on the driveway by the car, helping the boys get most of their belongings put in the trunk, but he turned to glance back at the house he had grown up in. It still felt like yesterday when he had met San, but now, both were twenty and moving out, having gotten an apartment in Seoul by the dancing studio the two frequented quite a bit. It matched perfectly with San’s ideals, and well, Wooyoung would follow wherever San went – that was just how the two worked. He sighed to himself, however, now looking at the neighbors coming out to say goodbye to them. He watched as San had finally left the house and was giving hugs to some of them, and his heart fluttered. _He’s always been so good to them…,_ he thought to himself, feeling a shy smile spread across his lips, and he had to duck his head to hide his reddening cheeks. San seemed to do that a lot to him these days; make him flustered by doing the silliest of things. He wasn’t sure why, but he… admittedly, enjoyed it.

\--

Thankfully, the drive to Seoul wasn’t as bad as he had complained about, and sure enough, San was going to rub that in his face. “Liar, liar, pants on fire,” San childishly grinned, his arm slung over Wooyoung’s neck as Wooyoung’s parents drove them. “I wasn’t lying! I was... just misinformed!” He tried to reason, but of course, San was having none of that. In fact, San chuckled and turned to face Wooyoung, shaking his head. “Pretty sure that still means you’re a big ole liar,” he reasoned, and all Wooyoung could do was groan in defeat while San laughed in triumphant. It had gotten quiet after that, the duo looking out their respective windows while Wooyoung’s parents talked amongst themselves quietly. “You don’t think this is a big mistake, do you?” Wooyoung asked after some time, glancing at his best friend, but San seemed deep in thought. It was moments like that, that Wooyoung would stare at his bestfriend, just admiring the man that came into his life at a young age and made it fruitful. Sometimes, though, he got caught staring, and one of those times was now. He hadn’t even realized that San had turned to look at him, a smirk twitching his lip. “Wooyoungie~,” San cooed deeply, even daring to lift a hand and pinch Wooyoung’s cheek and that’s what snapped him out of his stupor. “Huh? Oh, right. Answer my question!” He cleared his throat, flustered that he had been caught looking at San like that. Again, it wasn’t the first time, but it was always embarrassing whenever it happened.

San hadn’t responded right away, but instead tightened his arm around Wooyoung’s neck. “Mistake? Nah… I don’t think so. I think we’re going to have the time of our lives. I mean, we’re living close by the studio, so I can get to and from work pretty quickly, and we’re also near that art museum you adore,” he nodded firmly, looking over at Wooyoung. “Why? Do you think this is a mistake?” He asked in reply, the center of his brows furrowing. “Aniyo! I definitely don’t regret getting an apartment with my best friend!” Wooyoung happily cheered, but oh, how he was going to regret that statement in a few years’ time.

\--

They had arrived at the apartment after another half hour of driving, his parent’s pulling the car under the garage underneath. Thank God there was a lift nearby because Wooyoung was positive he and San would die if they had to carry their things up several flights of stairs. “I might regret convincing you that living on the fifth floor would be cool,” San muttered after they exited the vehicle, but they both stared at the elevator that was (thankfully) near them in the car garage. “As long as the elevator doesn’t break, we should be fine. And I shouldn’t have said that out loud,” Wooyoung laughed, then turned so he could aid his parents in getting their things out of the trunk. Once loaded up, the four of them got into the elevator and headed up to the fifth floor.  
  
  


“You both have your keys, right?” Wooyoung’s mother asked, and the duo had been quick to pat down their jean pockets. “Got it!” “Mine’s right here!” They both had said at the same time, causing them to laugh loudly. “Like two peas in a pod,” his father had chuckled, giving a knowing look to his wife. Wooyoung had caught it but thought nothing more of it as the elevator dinged, and the doors were opened for them. They all walked out and San led the way, all chattering to themselves, but Wooyoung was quiet. He could feel the anxiety starting to creep up to him, knowing that he would be about an hour drive from his parents house, living with his best friend, his fucking soulmate… Ah, what could go wrong, right? He had no reason to be worrying, yet something was itching at him and he couldn’t push it away. He sighed, but that, San did notice. The parents kept walking, but San had slowed down, now standing and walking beside Wooyoung. “You’re quiet,” he simply commented, and Wooyung gave off a shrug of his shoulders, followed by another sigh. “Just thinking,” Wooyoung smiled at the other, but he didn’t look too pleased. “You know you can talk to me, right, Wooyoungie?” San lightly bumped his hip against Wooyung’s, at the same time, adjusting the bags he held in his arms. “Don’t bottle shit up. You know better,” San warned, only to turn his attention back to the parents.

“I think this is your apartment,” Wooyoung’s father set the box he had been holding down, gesturing for one of the boys to hand him their key. San had beaten Wooyoung to it and was able to fish his key out of his pocket, handing it to Wooyoung’s father, and soon the door was open. “My oh my, you guys were able to get it fully furnished?” His mother exclaimed as they all entered one by one into the apartment, setting their respective boxes or bags down in the living area. It was nothing too big and lavish, but it was a decent size. Two bedrooms, two baths, a big living room fit for their couch and tv - perfect for two young males. “It wasn’t too expensive either,” Wooyoung explained as he went to set his things down but decided against it and went into the hallway to take ahold of the bedroom he had wanted. Ironically enough, most times San shared a bed with Wooyoung, but he also liked having his own space. He picked the door at the end of the hallway, leading into the bedroom that had a large window and balcony overlooking the small river that was beside the apartment complex. It was just the view he wanted; something nice to wake up to everyday.

Wooyoung was startled out of his thoughts when he heard someone clearing their throat, only to turn and see San standing in the doorway, his hands shoved in his pockets. “Your parents are about to get out of here, Wooyoungie. Let’s say bye and then we can start unpacking our things and making this home,” San smiled, and the action nearly made Wooyoung’s knees buckle. “S-Sure,” he nodded, then watched as San turned and left down the hall, hearing the soft words of San saying goodbye. “Aish…,” he sighed to himself, rubbing his chest as an odd warm feeling had spread throughout him. He still didn’t know what that was, but he told himself that he would eventually figure it out.

He left the bedroom to get back into the living area, witnessing San hugging both of his parents, and he chuckled at the sight. “You three look so cute!” He cooed, only for his mother to reach out and grab his wrist, tugging him into the group hug. “I’m proud of you boys,” she whispered, giving them a kiss on their cheeks before pulling back. There were tears in her eyes, and Wooyoung felt himself tearing up. “Eomma…,” he started to say but she shushed him and pat his arms. “Be good to each other. Take care of each other,” she smiled, and her husband chimed in as well. “And you know where to reach us if you ever need us,” his father looked between San and Wooyoung. “Alright, honey. Let’s let them get their things packed. Sani, make sure our boy keeps at it with school, too,” his mother lightly scolded, pointing her slim finger at Wooyoung and he laughed. “Eomma, I’m staying in school, I promise! We both are!” He grinned widely, his dimples on display. “I’ll take care of him. I promise, Mrs. Jung,” San chuckled, his head tilting as he walked the two out.

Once the door was shut, and silence ensued – both sighed loudly with their heads rolling back. “It’s good to be free,” San mused as he stretched his arms out, his eyes locked onto Wooyoung’s. “Free? Dunno, I’m still stuck with you,” Wooyoung laughed in response, only to be met with San’s pouting. The other walked (more like stomped like the five-year-old he really was) and wrapped his arms around Wooyoung, pulling him right into his chest. “You _love_ me! I think you like being stuck with me!” San retorted. Wooyoung kept grinning like the loser he was, his arms having slithered their way around San’s slim waist and rested his chin on his shoulder. “I guess you’re right. I do love you,” he smiled, but he felt his cheeks blossom with color again, and he was thankful his face was hidden.

They stood like that for some few minutes, just rocking back and forth with their arms around each other, a normal occurrence. That was, until there was a knock at the door, causing Wooyoung to frown and tighten his arms around San. “Ah, let me see who it is,” San chuckled, prying Wooyoung’s arms back and he just pouted. He liked the comfort of San’s embrace, and to be denied it rather sucked ass. He watched San pull back from him and head to the door, peeking through the peephole. Wooyoung stood back behind San, watching as his best friend opened the door. Both of them stood there in silence, although Wooyoung gulped. In front of them was one of the sexiest men alive (he refused to ever admit that he looked at guys like that in front of San because good lord the amount of teasing that would happen), but there was no way to hide the shock on his face. “H-Hi…?” Wooyoung started to say, but the man in front of them ran his fingers through his jet-black hair, his eyes darting between them.

“Hi… My name’s Seonghwa, and I’m your next-door neighbor.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year. I got too excited for this so I won't make anyone wait for another two days. Enjoy~

_Present Day_

Wooyoung shivered as he stood on the balcony, his hands being kept warm by his steaming mug, but the jacket he wore was just thin enough that it let the cool autumn air touch his skin. He could feel the goosebumps under his jacket, and another shiver went down his spine, but he refused to go inside the apartment. He frowned to himself as he stared off at the river below, watching couples holding hands and walking along the sidewalk, and he felt his heart grow heavy in his chest. The last two years had been… torment.

Ever since the day Seonghwa had introduced himself as their next-door neighbor, he began seeing things happening between his best friend and the neighbor. The two had become close, and Wooyoung had begun to manifest an emotion he never thought he would ever truly feel: jealousy. He was jealous because in front of his eyes, he was watching his soulmate running off with someone else, and it didn’t help that San’s behavior had started to change, too. Partying, drinking, staying out late. Wooyoung had never been one to complain about certain things, or feel like a mother, but that was all he felt.

But today was different. Wooyoung sat on the balcony because he heard the god-awful sounds of sex in the next bedroom, and knew San was having his fun with someone. He had no clue who it was, but he didn’t want to find out. His fingers gripped his mug a bit tighter as he felt a sort of anger surge through him, but again, he didn’t quite understand it. He thought that maybe he was feeling jealous that San was giving his time to others, but their lives had started taking different paths anyways. San had gotten a fulltime job as a dance instructor at the studio, and Wooyoung found an art studio that was willing to work with him and sell his art. They worked similar hours, but it felt like the two were on different worlds now.

He spent a few more minutes out on the balcony, but the cold had quickly become too much for him, and he needed to get inside. He shuffled on in his bedroom and shut the glass door behind him, pulling the curtain close but to his relief, he didn’t hear those noises through the walls anymore. “Thank god,” he sighed to himself as he walked out of his room, but to his surprise, he did not see San standing in the kitchen. He was confused, staring at someone who’s back was turned to him, but as that person did turn, Wooyoung felt his heart drop. “Seonghwa hyung,” his voice was a soft whisper, and that weird feeling erupted in his chest, and it didn’t take a genius to put two-and-two together. “Oh, hey, Woo. We uh, didn’t… know you were home,” Seonghwa’s cheeks had blossomed in color, and Wooyoung had to look away. Seonghwa was nude except for boxers, but his chest was covered in red marks and he didn’t want to stare any longer. “Yeah, I uh… came home about an hour ago but heard… stuff going on so I’ve been out on the balcony…,” he admitted, and then he heard the shuffling from San’s bedroom, and out stepped the man.

“Woo,” San had started to say, but Wooyoung just chuckled and shook his head. “You uh…. You guys should really get dressed. This isn’t just your home, San,” the youngest of the three spoke quietly, and then walked further into the kitchen to set his mug down. San looked a bit confused by Wooyoung’s behavior and had started buttoning up the shirt he had thrown on as he stepped closer to his best friend. “Hey, I’m sorry. I… we didn’t know you would be home,” San reached out to place a hand on the younger’s shoulder, but the touch felt foreign. Wooyoung frowned and pulled himself back, keeping a smile on his face as he scrunched his nose. “Don’t be sorry. You’re both adults and having fun,” he smiled, lips disappearing into a thin-line as he bowed to the duo, and then headed on back to his own room. The door shut, and he locked it, before sitting on the edge of his bed.

Why did his heart hurt, seeing Seonghwa standing in the kitchen like that? Why did he feel like crying when he saw all the markings? “Fuck,” Wooyoung cursed to himself as he ran his fingers through his newly bleached hair, feeling the onslaught of tears blurring his vision as he stared at the floor. “Why am I jealous?” He whispered to himself, but honestly, he knew why he was. He had come to terms with it a year ago, when he had been convinced to go to a party with San.

There had been lots of drinking and dancing, and Wooyoung had drunkenly come out as gay to San. Funnily enough, San had admitted the same thing that night, and Wooyoung remembered… well, not much after that. He only remembered the stories the next day from their mutual friend Yeosang, that the duo had been making out on the dance floor like two horny teenagers. Wooyoung had been mortified, but San had found it hilarious. Wooyoung had been blushing, and San had brushed it off. Wooyoung had realized he had fallen for his best friend over the few years, and San had not.

That night, a year ago, had been an odd one. Sometimes, he woke up in the middle of the night after a dream of kissing San and wondered if he was remembering that night or was simply having a wet dream about the other. Either way, they both could be plausible. He groaned and flopped back on his bed, staring at the ceiling as he heard muffled voices out in the hall, before hearing a door shut, which he only presumed was San’s door. A frown had soon stretched across his lips, and before really noticing what he was doing, he had reached over and grabbed his phone. His fingers were quick to dial, but soon his phone told him he was calling ‘Hongjoong,’ someone he had met at the college the two went to.

“Wooyoungie?” The soft, yet deep voice rumbled through the phone speaker, and Wooyoung knew immediately, he had woken Hongjoong up from a nap. “Hyung… sorry,” he laughed softly, but his voice sounded sad, and he had to swallow the growing lump in his throat to try and hide it from his hyung. “You never call me. What’s wrong?” Shuffles were heard on the other end, and soon, Hongjoong’s voice was a lot clearer, and Wooyoung could only sigh. “So… you know who I uh, kinda told you that I’m pretty sure I like San?” He started off with, met with a ‘uh huh’ and then silence. “The neighbor walked out of his room a few minutes ago,” Wooyoung voiced, and Hongjoong sucked in a sharp breath. “Shit… so he’s fucking your neighbor?” He huffed over the phone, but somehow it was Hongjoong’s blunt words that caused the first tear to fall from the corner of his eyes. “Yeah. I guess so. I haven’t even told him. I don’t know why I’m acting like this. He’ll never know. A-And, he seems happy with him,” Wooyoung sniffled softly as he lifted his other hand up to wipe at the falling tears. He partly regretted calling someone, because now his chest was hurting the more he admitted these feelings, and this wasn’t something he had ever planned on getting off his chest. But months ago, he had confessed his feelings to Hongjoong, and since then, he had been opening up to the older male. “Woo, you’re miserable. I think you need to tell San how you’re feeling, or try and move on,” Hongjoong sighed. “Why don’t you come over? My roommates gone for the weekend and it’ll get you away from them.”

Wooyoung stayed silent on the phone for some time, before finally replying. “Let me pack myself a bag. I’ll be over in a few,” and with that, he hung up the phone. He didn’t quite hear any sounds from the bedroom, so he only assumed maybe the two had gone to bed, or maybe Seonghwa left, but no matter what, he didn’t want to see either of them just yet. He was quick to grab his duffel bag and shove random clothing articles into it, paying no mind to what exactly he was grabbing, because he didn’t care. He just wanted to get out of here.

\--

Wooyoung had arrived at Hongjoong’s apartment with his bag slung over his shoulder, hair falling into his eyes as the breeze outside had his hair whipping around his face. He lifted a hand and knocked twice, and moments later, the door swung open. “Wooyoungie,” Hongjoong greeted the younger with a soft smile, wearing nothing but boxers and a robe that was loosely tied together, firmly confirming that Wooyoung had most definitely woken his hyung up from a nap earlier. “Sorry if I woke you up earlier,” he sheepishly spoke, stepping into the warm apartment as Hongjoong shut the door behind him. “You had a reason to. Well. Sorta,” the elder chuckled a bit and pat Wooyoung’s back before gesturing for the male to set his bags down in his room. “You gonna sleep with me, Woo?” Hongjoong teased a bit, and at first, Wooyoung was caught off guard, but then remembered that several times during the year, he had come over to Hongjoong’s apartment to simply lay in the others arms because it brought him a comfort he couldn’t quite explain. “More than likely. You gonna sing me a lullaby?” Wooyoung teased back, but his voice fell flat as he sighed, and Hongjoong stepped forward.

“You’re worrying me, you know,” Hongjoon softly whispered as his arms wrapped around Wooyoung’s frame, to which he let himself go limp and rest against his hyung. “Sorry… I’m trying not to worry you. Or anyone. I just don’t know what to do,” he mumbled as his arms slithered around the elder’s waist. At first, he hadn’t felt it, but soon he realized Hongjoong was rocking them back and forth as he stared off at the wall the longer they stood in the hallway. It was calming his beating heart, reducing the anxiety he had been feeling and trying to fight on the way to the apartment, but now in Hongjoong’s arms, the world felt alright. “Have you eaten at all?” Hongjoong’s voice was soft by his ear, but he shook his head. “Wasn’t hungry. I had hot chocolate, though. Does that count?” He pulled his head back but looking at the elder’s grouchy face proved to him that hot chocolate did _not_ count as ‘eating.’ “Okay, okay! Yikes,” Wooyoung muttered under his breath as Hongjoong chuckled and released him from the hug. He watched the elder disappear down the hall to what he presumed the kitchen, but he just turned into the living room to make his way onto the couch and fall onto it. “Boys sucks!” He groaned loudly. “Love sucks! Everything sucks! Why did I even have to admit anything out loud!?” He kept groaning, unaware Hongjoong was holding up two packets of ramen and just watching Wooyoung flail on the couch. “Love doesn’t suck. Being rejected is what sucks. Love is amazing, Woo,” the elder mused, before clearing his throat. “Lift your head. Beef or chicken?” “Beef,” came the quick reply, and Wooyoung heard a soft chuckle, but he didn’t lift his head.

He didn’t want to. Hell, he didn’t want to do anything except lay there on the couch and mope around because his heart hurt, and his head felt woozy…

“Woo. Hey, Woo.” A hand nudged at Wooyoung’s back, and the male lifted his head up, a bit confused. “Dude, you fucking fell asleep,” Hongjoong’s voice and face came into view, and Wooyoung felt his cheeks burn a bright red. “Did… Did I really?” He frowned to himself, before pushing himself to sit up all the way. Hongjoong had two bowls in his hands, plastic chopsticks sitting in each one and he handed the darker color bowl to Wooyoung. “Eat. You need to gain some sort of energy back,” Hongjoong sat beside Wooyoung on the couch, tugging the blanket over their legs. “Then we can chill in my room and watch a movie,” the elder offered, but Wooyoung was staring down into his bowl with a frown stretched over his lips. He took the chopsticks and just stirred the ramen around, the smell making his stomach growl, but at the same time, it churned, twisting his guts in a way that made him want to throw up. “Hyung, do you like someone?” He asked after a moment, turning to look at the other but Hongjoong had a mouthful of noodles, staring back at him. “Uh. Not… really?” The elder shrugged, chewing the noodles quickly before leaning back. “I mean, I kinda had a crush on this one chick in class but she’s an idiot,” Hongjoong chuckled softly, and the words made Wooyoung smile a bit. “That’s mean! I’m sure she’s nice,” he tutted, shaking his head but he was met with more of Hongjoong’s laughter. “She’s pretty and a decent person but, eh, not my type,” he shrugged, raising a brow as he looked over at Wooyoung. “Come on. Eat, Woo. Don’t make me force it down your throat,” Hongjoong threatened, narrowing his eyes on the male and he quickly nodded. “I will. Eventually. Maybe,” he mumbled, finally taking a bite of the hot ramen.

Thankfully, the next two hours had been laughter and fun, the duo curled up close on the couch after eating and watching a movie. Wooyoung had ate a few more bites but couldn’t finish, but Hongjoong had deemed the half-eaten bowl as alright, seeing as how he would never force food down Wooyoung’s throat. “It’s getting late. Let’s get to bed,” Hongjoong offered, and with a yawn, Wooyoung agreed. He followed the elder as he got up from the warmth of the couch, following like a puppy behind him as they entered the small bedroom, with a big ass bed. “I will never understand how you got this thing to fit into your room,” he muttered as he stripped himself of his shirt and jeans. Hongjoong softly snorted at the sight of Wooyoung in only his boxers, slipping off his robe to reveal him in the same attire, and he was quick to get on the bed. “I asked the door nicely,” Hongjoong teased and Wooyoung made a face before crawling onto the bed beside the other. He sighed again, swinging his leg over the other’s waist with his head propped on his chest, and he felt that familiar warmth when Hongjoong’s arm draped over his back and he felt his hand caressing his back. “Wake me if you can’t sleep, Woo,” the elder’s voice was soothing right near his ear, but he nodded. “Thanks, hyung,” he whispered, letting his eyes to close as he listened to the faint heartbeat. The sound was soothing enough, and a few short minutes had passed by. He could tell Hongjoong had already fallen asleep, but he couldn’t bring himself to doing it yet. He heard the faint buzzing of a phone and slowly pried himself from Hongjoong’s side, turning to lay on his other side before reaching down to his jeans. He fumbled with the pockets and found his phone, only to frown when he saw several missed messages and calls from San.

**Sani Banani:** (7:32pm) _wooyoung, where’d you go?_

 **Sani Banani:** (7:49pm) _yah, answer me._

 **Sani Banani:** (7:52pm) _*2 missed calls*_

 **Sani Banani:** (8:34pm) _are you mad at me, wooyoungie?_

 **Sani Banani:** (8:55pm) _I’m worried about you…_

 **Sani Banani:** (9:33pm) _*1 missed call*_

 **Sani Banani:** (9:58pm) _wooyoungie… please at least tell me you’re okay. Im really worried. Please, wooyoungie._

Wooyoung felt that tightness return to his chest, sinking his teeth into his lower lip before he hit the reply button, his fingers typing out several messages, only to delete them. He sighed heavily, before gritting his teeth and writing a simple reply.

**Woo Bear:** (10:07pm) _I’m at Hongjoong’s._

His reply was short and sweet, and just as he was putting his phone back into his jean pocket, it buzzed again with a incoming message from San.

**Sani Banani:** (10:08pm) _thank god! I was really worried about you, wooyoungie. You left without saying anything to me or seonghwa._

Wooyoung stared at the reply, his guts twisting again. This time, he left the message on read and shoved the phone back into the pocket of his jeans, tossing it aside before he turned and laid on his back, staring up at the ceiling. He thought being in love meant feeling a warmth in his chest, but all he felt was a throbbing ache. His lip had begun to quiver, his vision slowly blurring and he tried to catch the sniffle before it escaped but it had been enough to lull a sleeping Hongjoong awake. “Woo…?” There was that sleepy voice again, and Wooyoung turned his body right into the elder. The noises were soft at first, but soon the sobs racked through his body and he clung to Hongjoong, feeling the elder’s hand stroking his back. “Oh, Wooyoung…,” the elder sighed and tugged him closer, and that was how he spent the remainder of the night.


	3. Chapter 3

“Woo. Wooyoung. Woo baby.”

Wooyoung woke up to someone calling his name, his eyes soon cracking open to allow the lingering sunlight to enter his orbs. He frowned, brows furrowed as he realized he was not home, but feeling a hand on his shoulder had him quickly turning around.  
“Oh shit. Hongjoong,” he gasped slightly, holding a hand to his chest as the events from the previous nights got to him. He remembered falling asleep against Hongjoongs’ chest but sometime during the night, he must’ve turned away from the male because now his back was pressed against the others’ nude chest.

“Mm, good. You’re awake now,” Hongjoong smiled down at Wooyoung, even daring to wink at the younger and his cheeks flushed bright red. He grumbled under his breath before taking a pillow by his head, whacking Hongjoong with it and laughing as the elder scolded him. “For that, I’m no longer offering breakfast!” He tutted, to which Wooyoung started whining and rolled onto his back. “Wait, hyung! No! I want breakfast!” He mumbled, pouting cutely to try and win the elder over but deep in his heart, he knew he had already won Hongjoong over.

Breakfast together was nice, as the two barely spent time like this with each other if they weren’t studying for an exam.

“You sure you’re up for going back home?” Hongjoong asked as Wooyoung munched on some toast, shrugging his shoulders in response.

“Am I supposed to ignore the inevitable?” He sighed heavily, lifting his chin to smile at Hongjoong. “I’ll be okay, hyung. I’ve used up enough of your time,” he muttered, licking his fingers of the butter remnants, but he could feel Hongjoong’s gaze on him. He didn’t want to look up, but it felt like something was compelling him and he cleared his throat. “H-Hyung?” He finally did look up, the blood rising up towards the tips of his ears as yes, Hongjoong was most definitely staring at him.

“Sorry…,” Hongjoong tutted, his tongue discreetly nudging his lower lip but Wooyoung caught a glimpse of it. “You shouldn’t be so hung up on someone who doesn’t even know your worth,” he muttered, the words catching Wooyoung off guard. He frowned, staring as the elder got up from the table to collect their dishes and put it away in the dishwasher. He began to wonder how true Hongjoong’s words were, but there was something about San that kept him crawling back. It was almost as if he liked being heartbroken, though for obvious reasons, having someone’s’ heart broken over a one-sided love – well, that would be considered uncommon; stupid, even.

Wooyoung silently watched Hongjoong work around in the kitchen, presumably cleaning up from their breakfast that the elder had been kind enough to make. He felt a sort of guilt manifesting in his chest, thinking back to when he had first met Hongjoong those two years ago when the duo had moved near the university in the first place. Hongjoong wanted to be a producer, and Wooyoung wanted to be an artist so his paintings could be in the local museum he had grown to adore. They had, had a few generic classes together, but soon they had grown close and he considered Hongjoong to be one of his closest friends. He watched Hongjoong some more, the robe falling a bit off of the elder’s shoulders and he let out a soft sigh. “Joongie?” He called out to the male, biting down on his lower lip as Hongjoong’s eyes met his.

“Let’s go dye my hair.”

\---

What compelled him to dye his hair black despite having blond for so long? Not even he knew the reason to that, but there he was with Hongjoong in the apartment bathroom, drying his hair off. “Looks pretty hot on you,” Hongjoong chuckled lightly, his tongue poking his inner cheek as he ran his fingers through Wooyoung’s hair, taking the blow dryer and making sure he got all of the strands.

“I always look hot, hyung,” he rolled his eyes playfully, whining when Hongjoong smacked the top of his head. “Dumbass,” the elder grinned, looking in the mirror at Wooyoung. “Black hair suits you. It’s a nice change,” Hongjoong winked at Wooyoung, and for some reason, his cheeks heated up quite a bit. With a bashful chuckle, he let his head drop down, staring at his lip while his lips curled up into a boyish grin. He noticed that around Hongjoong, he felt freer, like he didn’t have to put up a front anymore. Of course, the front he put up in front of San was him hiding his feelings but even with, Hongjoong made him feel… wanted. He let out a soft sigh, slowly becoming lost in his own thoughts that he hadn’t even realized Hongjoong had been trying to gain his attention, now shaking his shoulders.

“Woo?” Hongjoong spoke softly, having turned the blow dryer off and moved to kneel in front of Wooyoung. He had grown quiet, swallowing thickly before letting out a shaky breath. “Do you think San will like it?” His voice was soft, and Hongjoong’s face seemed to harden slightly but the emotion had gone by so quick that he almost missed the look on his face. “Wooyoungie? Do you want my honest opinion?” The elder bit the tip of his tongue slightly, raising a brow at him and slowly, Wooyoung nodded.

“I think you’re being a fucking idiot over this guy,” Hongjoong started out with, and already, Wooyoung knew this conversation was going to end badly. “H-Hey, that’s mean-“ Wooyoung had started to say but was immediately cut off when Hongjoong raised his hand. “Shut up and let me finish, Jung Wooyoung. You are so caught up on this guy, even when he’s fucking your next door neighbor. Why? You really love him that much that you’re going to settle for this? Being hurt because of this fucker that can’t see someone worth it right in front of his eyes?” He scoffed, but his expression hardened when he realized he was making Wooyoung cry. Lifting a hand to his eyes, he used his sleeve to dab at his teary face.

“Joongie hyung… not once have I ever judged you and the things you do. I don’t judge you nor understand you for constantly partying and staying up late nights, right?” He asked, and the elder nodded slowly. “I’m not just… _caught up_ on San. We were best friends growing up. He lost his parents when he was young and has been by my side ever since and vice versa. He has been through everything with me, and I with him. I know I’m worth something in his eyes, but I’m being selfish because San doesn’t love me like how I love him. I’m being selfish by wanting him all to myself and sure, maybe I’m breaking my own heart but no one knows me or loves me like San does. NO one fucking does,” he started to feel the anger settling in, as if his love for San was being questioned – but a rational part of his head knew Hongjoong was right.

He stood there for a few silent moments, sniffling as he let realization hit him. In the year, he had been letting himself get down like this, knowing damn well, San didn’t love him back after this incident at the party where the two had kissed.

“Jung, stay at my apartment for a few days,” Hongjoong spoke lowly, placing his hands on Wooyoung’s arms, gently rubbing up towards his elbows and then back down to his hands. “You _need_ to get your mind off him. It is literally killing you inside and as one of your good friends, I’m sorry, but I’m not okay with that. We did something spontaneous like dying your hair, but after this? Let us just… enjoy life. Don’t worry about boys and relationships. I know you love San, as he is your best friend, but you gotta worry about yourself, too,” the elder smiled weakly, tilting his head to try and look at Wooyoung. He inhaled a deep breath, but he nodded slowly. “I… think you might be right. Ugh, my head is such a mess these days,” he whined, though let out a loud sigh as he felt Hongjoong’s arms wrap around him. “I’m going to keep you distracted. One way or another,” Hongjoong chuckled softly, giving Wooyoung’s smaller frame a soft squeeze before pulling back and pressing a soft smooch to his forehead.

“Fuck, you smell like hairdye-“


	4. Chapter 4

Those days had turned into weeks, which ended up turning into months. It had not taken a genius to figure out that Wooyoung had, in a sense, moved out of his shared apartment with San, now spending most of his time with Hongjoong. A few days after the little incident with him catching Seonghwa in their kitchen, Wooyoung had not spent much time at home. Once in awhile he would show up for some clothing, or to use the washing machine and dryer, but most days were spent with Hongjoong’s company, and roommate, Jongho.

Meeting Jongho had been odd at first, but once Wooyoung realized how interesting the guy was, and cute, he seemed pretty eager to get to know him. It was also refreshing being away from San and the people he hung out with, as they tended to party and while Wooyoung loved to drink, he couldn’t handle crowds for any length of time.

“Hey, Wooyoung?” Jonghos’ voice had snapped Wooyoung out of his thoughts, lifting his head up from staring at his laptop for the last hour. His eyes felt strained and he sighed, rubbing his cheeks.

“What’s up, Jjongie?” He spoke softly, sounding rather tired and the younger picked up on that.

“I just wanted to ask how your exams went. You’ve been studying a lot, and Hongjoong has noticed you haven’t been sleeping well?” Jongho cleared his throat, as if afraid he may say the wrong thing and set Wooyoung off. In Jongho’s defense, the younger had every reason to be careful with his words towards the older. Out of curiosity, Jongho had one day asked about why Wooyoung was always at their apartment and not with his own roommate, and the sentence had left Jonghos’ mouth before Hongjoong could stop it, which resulted in the poor guy to witness Wooyoung having a meltdown. Thankfully, that happened weeks ago and he’s moved on from it, but Wooyoung still couldn’t stop thinking about San.

“Oh, I passed them and I graduate soon. Was able to push through a lot of classes these last few months,” Wooyoung muttered as he glanced back at his laptop, soon shutting the lid as he needed a break from writing a resume to send out to a few companies. Sadly, quite a bit had happened over the course of those months he had been gone. While working his ass off trying to finish his arts degree, he found out through Yeosang that San had ultimately given up on his classes and dropped out. It was obvious Wooyoungs’ parents had no clue about this as he had no calls from them, but he could only feel this disappointment; in both of them. San had given up, and Wooyoung hadn’t been there to help push San through it. With a sigh, he felt himself getting distracted again but Jongho snapped his fingers.

“Yo. Hyung,” Jongho kept trying to catch Wooyoung’s attention, even going as far as kneeling in front of the other and grabbing ahold of his cheeks, squishing his face together. Wooyoung caught on, blinking several times before letting out a whine.

“Alright, screw this. We’re going outside. You’ve been cooped up in here WAY too long,” and with that being said, Jongho had grabbed Wooyoung by the wrist and tugged him out of the house.

\--

With exams having come to an end, it meant spring had arrived, but it hadn’t gotten rid of the cold weather yet. It was still beyond chilly, but Wooyoung had stolen (he claims ‘temporarily borrowed) one of Hongjoong’s jackets’ and snuggled up inside of it.

“Jjongie, where are we going?” Wooyoung whined for the seventh time since they had gotten off the bus, his hands tugging at Jongho’s jacket sleeve as the two walked along the path.

“Just shut up and keep following!” Jongho pouted back at Wooyoung, promptly shutting the male up from his whining as he obediently followed behind. The sun had started to set, but while Wooyoung had been cooped up inside of Hongjoongs’ room working on resumes and such, he had forgotten about the Universitys’ outdoor festival they had hosted, and it was the last weekend for it. Wooyoung was in awe as he took the time to take in his surroundings. Apart from seeing way too many couples for his liking, fairy lights connected between trees, creating a light canopy over the walk way. Little vendors on each side offered small treats like cotton candy and sweets, or some offering rice cakes and cooked meats. His stomach growled, letting him know he hadn’t eaten yet and the smells were becoming too much.

“Come on. Hongjoong would scold me if I didn’t make sure you eat,” Jongho chuckled softly, reaching back to make sure Wooyoung was still following before he went to the closest vendor and got them both a small rice bowl, to hold them over for now.

While Wooyoung happily ate, Jongho lead the way towards the river, eventually stopping at a bench so they could sit down and enjoy the peace. Small talk happened between them, the occasional laugh slipping from them if one told a joke, but other than that, Wooyoung kept pretty reserved to himself. He felt guilty, spending time with Jongho when in reality, he wished he could be at home with San, which really pissed him off. He didn’t want to think about San, let alone hear his voice or see his face or-

“Wooyoung?” Ah, there was that familiar voice that caused Wooyoungs’ head to snap up, only for his words to get caught in his throat. Standing in front of him and Jongho, was San, but he wasn’t alone. Seonghwa stood next to him, an arm around his shoulders and two other guys Wooyoung didn’t recognize.

“Um. Hi,” Wooyoung awkwardly cleared his throat, but the realization that the two had barely spoken a word since the day months ago, had begun to sink in. The air felt tense, and Jongho seemed to notice, tentatively reaching over and giving Wooyoungs’ thigh a squeeze. Being Hongjoongs’ roommate, Jongho had gotten to learn the details about why Wooyoung had started ‘living’ with them, and he knew Sans’ face.

“Who’s this?” San asked, and although he probably hadn’t meant for his voice to sound bitter, it sure did to Wooyoung.

“He’s my b-“

“I’m Jongho, Hongjoongs’ roommate,” Jongho quickly cut Wooyoung off, giving him a glare to the side and squeezing his thigh a bit tighter. Wooyoung bit his tongue, trying to hold back his temper and tongue but at least Jongho was there to be his anchor.

“Oh. Never heard about you,” San clicked his tongue, wetting his lower lip with his tongue but his eyes kept staring at Wooyoung. He wasn’t sure if it was a trick of the light, but he felt like San was angry with how close he was to Jongho, the two practically side by side, thighs touching as they sat on the bench. Seonghwa had glanced a few times between the two, but noticing that the tension was still there, and growing, he spoke up.

“We were just surprised to see you out here. Have a good night,” Seonghwa bowed his head slightly, about to tug San away so they could join the other two who had walked off, but San shook his head.

“I need to speak to Wooyoung. Can we?” He looked at Wooyoung, making him freeze up in his spot but he swallowed the rising bile in his throat, nodding.

“Sure, San.”

\--

Having walked away from the scattered group of friends, Wooyoung had followed San as they walked down a small path, bringing them close to the edge of the river, finding a bench to sit on. They weren’t near any people, save for the people walking along the shore but it was getting later, and the breeze was beginning to pick up.

“Do you hate Seonghwa?” San spoke first, but his question of choice made Wooyoung go rigid, now wishing he had Jongho by his side again and not back by Seonghwa and the others.

“Hate Seonghwa? No… no, I don’t think so,” Wooyoung muttered, sitting on his hands to warm them while looking down at his lap, his bangs falling a bit in his eyes.

“Do you hate me?” Sans’ voice seemed quieter, but it didn’t stop the younger from turning his head to look at San with widened eyes.

“Hate you? Fuck no, I don’t hate you. I wish I did, but I don’t. Fucking love you, asshole,” the words may have left Wooyoungs’ mouth too quickly, but he prayed San only thought of it platonically – but who was he kidding?

“Woo, I’m going to be real with you,” San sighed heavily, still looking over at Wooyoung despite him not looking back, his eyes focused on the runaway leaf on the ground.

“I’m not stupid, okay? I know you probably have feelings for me, and I know having Seonghwa around hasn’t helped,” San frowned, unaware of what his words were doing to Wooyoung. He hadn’t expected San to figure out his feelings, and his lip began to quiver.

“H-How did you..?” He couldn’t form the entire question, afraid of the answer.

“Again, I’m not stupid. I know you, Wooyoung. We’ve been friends for how long? I just… I’m sorry,” San sighed again, his shoulders drooping and Wooyoung noticed out of the corner of his eyes. His eyes were wet with unspilled tears, his lip quivering but he did his best to remain strong.

“Why are you sorry, Sannie?” He asked softly, wishing he had the guts to reach over and touch Sans’arm but he knew better.

“I’m sorry because I’ve been hurting you. A year ago, when we kissed at the party, I…. Wooyoung, I really liked kissing you but I was afraid,” San chuckled bitterly, his hands clenching into fists as he leaned over, elbows digging into his knees.

“I didn’t want to ruin the possibility of us never being friends again or having that bond. It was selfish of me, but I was so afraid of losing you, that I told myself I should never do that again. But the problem is, is that I kept seeing your face. When Yeosang was telling us everything that happened the next day, saying how drunk we were… I kept brushing it off, but I saw your face when I did. You thought no one was looking and I could see the damage was already done,” he licked his lower lip, glancing over at Wooyoung who was staring at him. It felt like his heart was breaking again, but this time, he was really unsure of how to feel.

“K-Keep going,” Wooyoung sniffled, letting the first tear fall before quickly wiping at it.

“Right then and there, I told myself I couldn’t be anything more than friends with you, because I was selfish and didn’t want to lose our bond, or be the reason you cried, but look at what I’m doing now,” San laughed bitterly, lifting his hand to cup at Wooyoungs’ cheek.

“I’m making you cry. I made Wooyoungie cry,” Sans’ voice had begun to crack, and that had Wooyoung almost breakdown again.

“Seonghwa hyung and I aren’t actually dating,” San had leaned in, pressing his forehead against Wooyoungs’, his thumbs wiping away the tears as they fell down the others cheeks. Wooyoung sniffled again, though his heart fluttered slightly.

“W-Wait, you guys aren’t dating?” Wooyoung frowned, pulling back slightly while San sighed.

“No, not really… I mean, at first we tried dating, but we’re just better at fucking each oth—” He stopped himself, only because Wooyoung had lifted a hand to silence him.

“Choi San, you now are fully aware of my feelings – I do NOT want to hear about your sex life,” Wooyoung frowned, looking like a pouty baby as he dropped his hand back down to his thigh.

“Sorry, sorry,” San held his hands up in defeat, though his eyes never left Wooyoungs’ face.

“So what was the point of telling me all of this, San?” Wooyoung broke the silence again, fingers picking at his jeans as the cold was getting to him and he needed to do something. San seemed a bit taken back by that statement, only to realize how pathetic the situation really did seem. 

“I didn’t like seeing you with someone else,” San admitted, rubbing his nape as he watched Wooyoung for another moment.

“…You’re kidding me right now, right?” Wooyoungs’ voice had gone a bit bitter, though he scoffed and stood up.

“So you’re jealous I’m hanging out with Jongho-ah? Where have you been the last few months? Are you sure this isn’t some bet? Something that someone is putting you up to because now I suddenly don’t believe you,” Wooyoung felt his heart hammering away in his chest, the fear of being humiliated suddenly growing.

San shook his head, standing up as well and trying to step forward to approach the other but Wooyoung kept stepping back. 

“Woo, please. Just… give me time. Let us work this out. I really can’t lose you like this, not when I feel like we’re both barely hanging on by a thread,” San had started to raise his voice, garnering the attention of the few people around them.

“San, we could’ve been okay if you didn’t suddenly…. Confess to me. Was that even a confession?” Wooyoung started to laugh, wondering if this was even real.

“Dammit, Wooyoung. I love you, okay? I. Love. You,” San had stepped closer, ignoring the stares around them, even the stare of Seonghwa and the others some ways away from them as he cupped Wooyoung’s cheeks and brought their lips together.

\--

“YAH!” A loud noise startled Wooyoung, causing him to flinch and jolt, smacking his knee at the bottom of the desk. He was panting hard, as if he had just run a marathon but as his eyes focused on his settings, he started to frown.

“W-What the fuck?” He glanced around quickly, his eyes then focusing on Hongjoong kneeling in front of him.

“I.. I was…. What?” He was confused, and went to rub his eyes, only to feel how wet they were, and then he swallowed the bile in his throat.

“Wooyoung, how long have you been sleeping? Jeez, you got drool all over the laptop,” Hongjoong chuckled, ruffling Wooyoungs’ hair as he stood up. He glanced at the clock, seeing that it read 2:45am, and his lip started quivering again.

“Where’s Jjongie?” Wooyoung asked as he turned in the chair to look at Hongjoong, the elder slipping out of his clothes before heading into the connecting bathroom.

“Dude, he’s still at his mom’s house,” Hongjoong raised a brow, tossing his towel over his shoulder. “You okay, Woo?”

Wooyoung stared at Hongjoong dumbfoundedly, only to shake his head and turn around in his chair again. He waited to hear the shower start before he rested his head in his hands, only to feel the rise of his emotions.

“A dream. It was a fucking dream,” tears dripped onto his grey sweatpants as he laughed at himself, but those laughs had quickly turned into soft sobs, his fingers threading through his hair.


End file.
